Get Lost all.

I'm sorry, but this post is going to be a really frank one.

Yes, I'm hating so much now.
I know I shouldn't be doing so.
I should be loving.
It all happened just so suddenly this wk.
losing my cool so easily, being so frustrated n irritated over lil things,
and being so angry over the slightest matters.
And i find it so hard to control, to love, n to forgive.
That as a result, hatred is beginning to fill within.
I dislike it when people lie to me.
I dislike it when people hide things from me.
I dislike it when people. . .
I know, i sound self-centered.
But i'm just so sick and tired of feeling being used.
I'm just so sick and tired of feeling so insignificant.
I'm just so sick and tired of everything.

I know what I ought to do.
I know. And trust me when i say i know.
I'm really trying hard, and i'm really struggling.

Yes, you might think what kind of a christian i am.
Be it a saturday christian or just a christian by name however you may name it.
But yes, to be frank, I do hate.
and i know that i'm not fit to be a christian.
i'm portraying a really bad image.
i'm so sorry,

I'm getting impatient.
I'm getting frustrated with everything.
I'm just going nowhere.

As much as i really do want to learn to love,
i really do want to learn to forgive.
But i find it so hard.
Can anyone tell me why?
Can anyone tell me what to do?

I feel so upset over some issues.
and know what,
im beginning to hate myself.
i feel like a good for nothing, good at nothing.

So be it..

i really know not what to do.
i really don't..
but i don't want to just let it rest.
I want to do something about it,
i don't want to just not do anything about it and let it carry on.
i want to see a transformation taking place,
i want to see a change,
to a stage where i am proud to say i'm a christian.
To a stage where i'll be reflecting God in my life.
To a stage where I'll dare to stand up and say,
"I'm God's child."

i just needed to rant, a space to express.
i feel better knowing that i'm heard,

somewhere, where?

There, over there.
Right there.