had bmt chalet on wed till today.
it was alright lar.
like that lor.
nightcycling.guitaring.eating.bbqing.chatting.crapping.gaming.suntanning.
thats roughly what i did lar.
anw.. chalet duh.
turned out just as i expected.
seriously, didnt really enjoy it lar.
but this's the first time im doing night cycling.
first time im drinking vodka.
first time im staying in the suckyshitty pasirris coasta sands resort.
i rmb when i first saw our chalet unit,
i was completely turned off lar can.
upon reaching,
the first thing i did was to say 'what a place.'
oh my.
i'll definitely not go back there ever again!
& i still find it amazing,
that i actually could stay up for two nights.
yepp. two sleepless nights.
cos there ain't enuf space for us to sleep.
the place too small alrdy lar.
POWER EHH.
super super tired till i slept while standing up.
heh.
maybe i can try not sleeping for 3 nights?
den i can join the pandas in the zoo.
how great.
after chalet..
went to sp.
met gid and xav.
duh.
supposed to be cell lunch..
but in the end a trio lunch.
or maybe even a duet lunch.
cos i didnt eat, for im penninless.
must budget budget!
and finally.
reached home.
searched for food.
cooked tomyam maggie!
nice nice.
that was my ytd's dinner cum today's breakfast cum lunch.
heh. how cool!
slacked slacked. used com. slept slept.
and yep.
went for my theory lesson, w my hmwk nt done.
aiya, dont care lar.
heh.
& im super super tired alrdy.
but its nice chatting w yanto lar.
and so, yep,
im touched boy.
heh. u know i know we know can le.
haha.
its just so amazing ehh.
a incident that seemed so small to me,
actually can mean alot to him that gained his trust in me.
heh. and thats like two years back?
heh. seriously, im touched. =))
so this is the next small thing.
i dont understand why.
why cant ppl start being sensitive towards each other's feelings?
wht isit you ppl cant start trying to undstnd each other's situations?
why isit that there's no longer the unity in the team it once to have?
why isit that people're backstabbing each other?
gossiping of each other?
i dont understand why?
is it so fun?
is it so enjoyable to hurt one another in one way and another?
is it so 'self-consoling' to make others sound so bad, and ourselves sound so great?
yes. maybe i used to be the gossipmonger.
but im no longer one.
for God changed me.
for He is and He made a difference in my life.
yes. im not happy.
im not happy of ppl backstabbing one another.
im not happy of ppl gossiping arnd.
im not happy. im just not happy.
i dont know why.
alright. whatever.
& big thanks to apple mummy.
thanks for ur time last night when i was feeling so damn terrible.
felt so much btr after talking to you thru the phone.
big thanks.
<3
i was supposed to go there for a purpose.
but yet, i failed.
it failed terribly.
instead, i got hurt emotionally.
it was such a terrible feeling.
and how much i hate that feeling.
gosh.
and just now,
or shld i say, im once again missing her since last sat.
how much i miss her.
how much i yearn for her.
how much i want her to scold me.
how much i want her to hold my hands again.
how much i wanna see her.
but in order to see her again,
i gotta stand firm in God,
until when the Day comes,
only then can i see her again.
images of my childhood with her arnd came into my mind.
images of her bringing us to isetan to shop for toys.
images of her bringing us to sentosa.
and of cos, not forgetting scenes of her.
scene of her lesser and lesser hair,
scene of her getting skinnier and skinnier,
scene of her getting weaker and weaker,
months by months, day by day.
scene of the how much she went through,
scene of the the pain she had when the needle entered her each time.
so so many.
but, she's strong.
she's a strong-willed lady.
she managed to finish walking her last phase of life with God.
and she's the lady of my life.
i dont know.. but how much i want her to be arnd still.
how much i want a complete family.
how much i want another dinner tgt.
oh, how much i love her.
though it's been years, and i may seems indifferent towards qns like,
'so do you miss her?' etc.
but fact is, i miss her deeply.
just that i never show it out.
cos i wanted to be strong like her too.
sighs.
and im just giving myself false hopes again.
im escaping reality again.
at times, how i wish i can be a retard.
how great can that be.
living in my world.
i'd love to try that.
and this's such a random post.
but duh, who cares?
whatever.
im gonna get my sleep now.
gotta recharge for tmr's cg+service.
bye.
i'm sorry Lord for the thing i've made it.
