awww.. thats early.
normally at tis time, i'll either be in sch,
if not some coffeeshop eating,
if not somewhere slacking.
dont noe why nowadays the first place that came into my head aft sch dismissal is home.home sick? i duno. bt all i noe is that i wanted to go home. i dont wana go anywhere. though upon reaching home i'd be walking arnd the house aimlessly, dunno wad to do. sounds very boring, bt somehow, inside me, i noe i still wana go home. i'd rather spend the rest of my day sitting on the chair at home, jus spending my time daydreaming. i dont mind at all. maybe bcos im escaping reality? i duno. each time hse door open, i keep tinking that i'd see her again. bt seems like.. its just all part of my imagination. she's not coming back again. never. just like wad evan wrote to me, she's gone..forever. never coming back. gone for good. dont enjoy hanging outside anymore. dont wana to. in school, dont even feel like talking. i just feel like being alone. duno why either.
received letter of encouragement from apple,wanzi,evan today. read evan's letter till i teared. cos of her words. i noe she's gone..forever. yes i miss her. i noe she do miss me too. and she told my relatives b4 that it's me and brother that she cant let go of. she is worried for us. bt yet, i took her love and concern for granted. wads the point of talking bout all these now.. haiz. its pointless.
i noe i've been strong. able to stand up strong again each time i fall. bt this time round, i duno how long im going to take. i duno if i'll be able to stand up strong again not. maybe bcos i dun wana to pick myself up again. cos im afraid.. of falling again. seems like each time when i finally stood up strong again, in just a nano second, i'll face other problems and fall again. im just so afraid..
Tonight I'm falling and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you I can just look up
And know the stars areHolding you, holding you, holding you
Tonight
