feel like im a caged bird. feel like im a criminal. can't breathe easy at all. wad've i done wrong? i don tink i did anyting wrong alright. crappp. 1pm+, still having lessons, phone kept ringing non-stop. i knew it was either aunt or dad. 2 pm den sch dismiss lor.. crap man. still keep calling me. distracting me only alright?! l8r say i no listen class again. fuck. when lessons all ended, took out my phone. 6 missed calls. wad sia! scared i runaway isit. crap. not long aft, phone rang..AGAIN. dad called. tok so much.. tok so much got use ah?! driving me nuts larr. feel like bashing someone up right now. wadever. and den, realised that mrchia actually told my dad so much tings. hey. listen here. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH ME OK! FEELING TIRED IS NORMAL. YES, I'VE CHANGED, IT'S ALL BECAUSE OF YOU ALL WHO CAUSED ME TO BE WHO I AM NOW. ALL THE STRESS AND PRESSURE. YES, RESULTS DROPPED ALOT. DOESN'T MEAN WILL DROP FOREVER RIGHT? DISAPPOINTED IN ME EH? DATS UR PROBLEM, NOT MINE. SAID THAT CHURCH STUFFS ARE AFFECTING MY STUDIES EH? WTH. SO YOU MEAN I SHLD STOP ATTENDING CHURCH LAR?!? FUCK. i know i've been a disappointment to you, you, and you. but.. hey come on.. its only the first term alright. still got few mnths to go okay. finally could get over my exam results, finally made up my mind to study hard. bt after all that's happening, i just feel like giving up totally. i'm tired. really tired. you said i bought present for you, bt no give you personally, bt jus throw it aside, said that im not even sincere, wad for i buy? waste money. hey, but ytd we're not on good terms alright. and so i asked carlisle to give you. if i really no heart give you, den i buy for wad? i've been doing so many tings in the dark, that you didn't even see. i'm trying so hard to hide all my probs so as not to let you worry. whatever tings i buy, i paid it myself. except for certain tings. and i doubt you're aware of me trying to change. i doubt you know that i always spared a thought for you. i doubt you know that whenever im out late, i have my own limit, i noe how to control myself by not gg home late, by not letting you worry. i doubt you ever spared a thought for my feelings, by saying all those hurting words. asking me to go die. telling me dat if you die, i'd be the one responsible for your death. saying that you'd go get your will done, to severe ties with me, and to leave all your properties to ur china godbrother. and so.. you tink at times i treat u so nice all for your money lar? you told me that mom died, one more person less in the household wont make a difference. i might as well leave, all the best. im a girl alright. not a boy. i may appear strong outside, bt im weak inside alright. im a human okay. i have feelings and emotions okay. it hurts me alot to say some words that i shldnt say out to you. it hurts me to talk back to you. it hurts me to argue with you. it hurts me alot.. and, it hurts me alot to make you cry over the phone. im sorry for causing you to cry..im really sorry dad. but seriously, there's really nothing wrong with me. it's all in the past. nothing wrong now. stop pressing me. stop controlling me. stop. give me a break. all i nd is a break. i thought i'd be able to concentrate in my studies in this new term.. yet turned out likewise. wadever.. anw, its been a long time since i used vulgarities.. bt jus couldnt help it. wadeva. WADEVER.
why? why must tings turn out this way? why isit dat its always the year of impt exams that tings gotta happen, that dad always cried bcos of me? primary six got into trouble, caused dad to cry. now, sec 4.. HAHA. oso caused him to cry. p6 psle, sec4 'O's. wad more its always the last yr in a particular sch. wadever..
curse me inside, for every word that caused you to cry. curse me inside.

GIVE ME BACK MY FANTASY.