attended one of the school canteen vendor's funeral.
the uncle who sells curry chicken noodle.
thats like really sad.. he's really a nice person.
though i ain't know him that well, bt he's really nice and friendly.
well, another soul lost.

somehow, when we arrived the place,
my heart sank. the atmosphere changed immediately.
thats why i told wanzi, i have a phobia of attending funerals.

i'm sorry girls if i suddenly became very quiet.
cos im afraid. i was afraid that i'll break down too.
sounds ridiculous, bt i will.
at that time when we're all sitting,
the past was falling so hard on me once again.
i seems to be back in the past.
all the pain and agony, the anguish and scars left behind.
everything just came back.
remembered of how daddy fought back his tears,
until the very last day when he broke down, twice.
remembered how i controlled no matter what,
only to break down too.
i don't know. but its okay.
cos i know, God is here. He'll take the pain away.
In fact, i could sense God at that time.

i know, nobody will be able to understand how much pain it cost to love and lost,
twice in a row of somebody so close so close to them.
whatever it is, i know, this pain, this hurtful past, is something that God understands.
it is more than enough. what more could i ask for?
Let it go girl.
Let go, let God.